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Jammerdijank

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Oh, God. What have I done with my life?? [Jan. 7th, 2007|04:04 pm]
Jammerdijank
[Current Location |prone on the sofa]
[mood |lazylazy]
[music |arrhythmic ticking of the clock]

I just spent the last two days reading Overcompensating. I have now read all of it. The latter half of it has now been read twice. Remember the days when I was all, "the internets is a waste of my times and interferes with the livings of my life"? I'm sure someone does. It all started with 6 hours of Facebook every Thursday to pass the time at my work-study job, and has now ended here, at 4pm when I should be doing laundry, but instead am only wondering if I should wake Nick up or if I should continue to battle my hangover in solitude.

Who is to say?

Class starts in about a week, and soon everyone will be home. I cannot wait. Most of my time has been recently spent in the company of boys. It will take approximately 3 tandem pedicures with Julia to combat this break, and approximately 7 conversations with Becca about how annoying hipsters are ( during 4 of which Julia can be heard giggling maniacally from her bedroom).

Woo! I've decided. Time to wake up Nick and get started on the most laundry that I have ever had to do in my life ever.
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My Birthday, Pt 2. [Jan. 2nd, 2007|09:50 pm]
Jammerdijank
[Current Location |The living room]
[mood |freaked out]
[music |Cat Power-Moonshine]

Evening, all.
The day didn't suck. My boss at work told me not to worry about the shift for which I was scheduled, so I didn't.
Nothing very exciting happened, but it was a markedly unsucky birthday. So, kudos, existence.
I spent the day recording music, and then cut ten inches of Brian's hair off. Both of which were weird feelings.
Evening, all.
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My Birthday [Dec. 31st, 2006|12:26 pm]
Jammerdijank
[Current Location |The smoking chair]
[mood |defeated]
[music |Girl/Boy Song-Aphex Twin]

My fucking managers scheduled me to work on my BIRTHDAY. I asked for the day off. When I told them, my human manager tried to find someone to take my shift. Of course no one would. My corporate-android manager said, "We'll figure something out." There's no word yet if I'll get the shift off. I'm so mad I could cry. I knew my birthday would blow because everyone is gone. Hallie left last night, and the party my family is planning will surely be composed entirely of horrible. (Last year, watched old family movies until Rachael freaked out and left the room.) I do still have friends here with whom I could have gone out, but now I might have to work. I won't know until three, when I have to call my android manager. I know in a larger sense that having to work on my birthday is not a huge crises, but I really to feel like I'm on the edge of a serious breakdown.
If I refused to work, do you think they fire me? If they fired me, how long could I last before I needed another job? Would I be able to find one now
What the hell is this?
I know I'm whining and acting like a spoiled brat. There is nothing special about a birthday. I don't derserve to be treated any differently on the day that marks the anniversary of my birth. I didn't do anything noteworthy on that day. Except being born.
This is a lame excuse to breakdown and stay in bed for a month, but i really don't think I can handle this.
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A list of things [Dec. 28th, 2006|02:14 pm]
Jammerdijank
[Current Location |The smoking chair]
[mood |sicksick]
[music |The song I just wrote is stuck in my head.]

1. Christmas blew.
2. Hallie has been taking shifts for me at my awful job. She needs the money, and I need the time off.
3. I have a monstrous chest cold complete with a fever and more mucous than I thought any human could produce.
4. At the moment, I am considering taking a nap.
5. I have run out of things to read.
6. My new slippers are hella comfy.
7. I am turning 20 in four days.
8. I wrote another song while I was in the shower.
9. I need to call the vet about my pet rat, Basil, today. His lesions are healing nicely.
10. Julia's plants need to be watered, but I feel too leaden to get out of bed to do it.
11. Guerrilla recycling is on the list of things to do. And how.
12. I saw Habeeb last night.

I guess that's all. Sreep is for now.
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How I Found Jesus [Oct. 30th, 2006|01:08 pm]
Jammerdijank
[Current Location |The couch]
[mood |dissipating frustration]
[music |chewing]

He was was in my pants.
No, really though, kids. What a hellish day. It started at 7:30, and now it's 1pm. This is the first expanse of half an hour or more that I've enjoyed since I woke up during which something terrible and frustrating has not occurred. (fuck you, grammar)
Halloween is tomorrow. I'll be working, which is kind of suck, but I should get off early enough to do something fun.
The best boy in the world is eating mashed potatoes on the couch. He's sitting next to me. On my left. Wearing red. (all of this was because Alex was watching me type, and he gan to look around the room)(he's modest to the point of nausea) Kisses, yay!
Sometimes I really just have nothing to say...
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I miss Nick, and this is confusing [Oct. 28th, 2006|06:04 pm]
Jammerdijank
[Current Location |Le salon]
[mood |too tired]
[music |the clicking of the duck hunt gun]

To do ce weekend:
*find a way to get to work on Sunday
* buy Rachael a birthday present
*get to Belleville tomorrow
* get to work on time
* homework-French, QPM, and British history
*laundry
*sleep

Whoa, kids. I hate making to do lists. Does anyone ever finish them? I'm totally going to blow off my history, and everyone knows it. I may have a paper due in this class soon. Hrm.
Also! I've begun new knittings! It's really super pretty. Madness may or may not ensue. I could just knit to the exclusion of all of my other responsibilities. Wooo!
Also, missing Nick makes no sense, and I wish I didn't have to do it.
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This is for Erin. [Oct. 27th, 2006|01:17 pm]
Jammerdijank
I'm employed, and I met my boyfriend's parents last weekend. It was incredibly, supremely awkward. I can't seem to escape the awkward lately. But! I cleaned my room, and was just kissed on the top of the head. I'd say things are going okay for the first time in weeks.
To come: massive heart episode that puts me in the hospital because good fortune in Amanda-land never lasts very long!
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Fortune and Misfortune [Sep. 28th, 2006|12:35 pm]
Jammerdijank
[Current Location |The Darkened Appartment]
[mood |sneaky]
[music |Julia getting ready for class, not knowing I'm home]

I'm losing my job because the restaurant where I work is closing. Sigh. I wish I was one of those college students who didn't have to work to put themselves through college. At Wash U, I am surrounded by such students and am often consumed with envy. I try to tell myself that such is the glory of the bohemian lifestyle, but it's hard to stey cheerful and bohemian( or is that gloomy and bohemian?) when I have no idea how I'm going to get my car fixed, or really how I'll be able to eat in the coming weeks. You know, I've become accustomed to eating. I like it. I hope I can keep doing it. Terror if terrors, I'll have to ask my parents for money. I'm not sure they'd give it to me in the first place, and I think I'll have to get really hungry before I'm willing to put up with whatever it is they construe as the giant mistake I made recently. Remember when the big crises I had over the summer was being too extroverted to be happy?
This isn't to say that I'm not happy. I'm very happy, and very worried. Somehow it will work out. I will be able to pay my bills and I will be able to eat, right? Right. If the university would get their shit together figure out my hereditary scholarship (like they did last year) everything would be okay. Perhaps I should call them.
Also,I have fortunate things to report. I'm doing well very in my classes, and I feel singularly proud of it. I was convinced they'd be harder since they're all discussion-based, but I am managing to hold my own and that makes me feel confident. However, I am tired of feeling like I'm an arrogant asshole all the time when I feel good about something that I've done. Maybe I should just talk less. Lately, it seems that no matter what I say (outside of class) I'm annoying those around me and am coming off affected and pretentious.
Wow. That little pity-party got really depressing really fast. Sorry, guys. Just a moment of weakness and doubt that will surely be soon replaced by wacky antics.
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The Sleep Deprivation [Sep. 6th, 2006|01:38 pm]
Jammerdijank
[Current Location |The chair in the living room]
[mood |missing Nick]
[music |the buzzing of the refrigerator]

I 've been waking up during REM sleep for several days now, so I've been remembering a lot of fun dreams. Some of them, I've already imparted to Becca, and as she can tell you, they're quite disturbing. I'm worried about the homicidal tendancies of my subconscious.
In one of them, I had a vampire lover. Does that mean I read too much Laurell K Hamilton? Does it? It may. That would be sad because it's my only mindless pleasure that I actually feel guilty about. (making it my only guilty pleasure) This type of entertainment is important to my continued sanity, so unless I start dreaming about disembowling loved ones, I'll not stop reading it. So there.
Also...Eric gets 2 more chances. That's it. I really do like him, but I do have standards, and I know what I want. Currently, he is not living up to my standards and he's looking to be nothing like what I want. I did express an interest to form a lasting relationship with him, but I don't want to do it simply for principal. I feel like that's a healthily selfish stance to take.
Maybe I should just stop looking for realtionships. I'm feeling increasingly validated without them. This could be a result of having had a realtionship in one form or another for two months now, but I'd like to think that's it's progress.
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(no subject) [Aug. 29th, 2006|12:31 pm]
Jammerdijank
[Current Location |The balcony]
[mood |freezing]
[music |The rythmic chattering of my teeth punctuated by sniffles]

So, hungover the day before classes start, and I have to work today at 4. Lame. I hope I don't cut off an unnecessay body part today at work.
Yesterday I got a blood blister under my fingernail from trying to break apart a loaf of frozen bread and then I cut off my thunb nail while chopping okra. So ridiculous. I'm a serer not a cherf. Totally not looking forward to work tonight.
Also it's finally starting to cool off in the Lou, but I'm not ready for it. I'm sittting on my balcony shivering. Also lame.
Do I have anything good to report? Oh. Eric! That's right. He's so cute and awkward. I think it's time I dated someone totally clueless and sweet. All the business causing me to worry that he didn't actually like me turned out to be that he's just shy about PDAs. So, yay. We had a really cute talk last night. He thinks I'm groovy. So, let's see if I can keep this one longer than a month. This is something I've not been able to do all summer.
Wisk me luck, kids! (I think I'll leave that typo. It's fun.)
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