|Fortune and Misfortune
||[Sep. 28th, 2006|12:35 pm]
|||||The Darkened Appartment||]|
|||||Julia getting ready for class, not knowing I'm home||]|
I'm losing my job because the restaurant where I work is closing. Sigh. I wish I was one of those college students who didn't have to work to put themselves through college. At Wash U, I am surrounded by such students and am often consumed with envy. I try to tell myself that such is the glory of the bohemian lifestyle, but it's hard to stey cheerful and bohemian( or is that gloomy and bohemian?) when I have no idea how I'm going to get my car fixed, or really how I'll be able to eat in the coming weeks. You know, I've become accustomed to eating. I like it. I hope I can keep doing it. Terror if terrors, I'll have to ask my parents for money. I'm not sure they'd give it to me in the first place, and I think I'll have to get really hungry before I'm willing to put up with whatever it is they construe as the giant mistake I made recently. Remember when the big crises I had over the summer was being too extroverted to be happy?
This isn't to say that I'm not happy. I'm very happy, and very worried. Somehow it will work out. I will be able to pay my bills and I will be able to eat, right? Right. If the university would get their shit together figure out my hereditary scholarship (like they did last year) everything would be okay. Perhaps I should call them.
Also,I have fortunate things to report. I'm doing well very in my classes, and I feel singularly proud of it. I was convinced they'd be harder since they're all discussion-based, but I am managing to hold my own and that makes me feel confident. However, I am tired of feeling like I'm an arrogant asshole all the time when I feel good about something that I've done. Maybe I should just talk less. Lately, it seems that no matter what I say (outside of class) I'm annoying those around me and am coming off affected and pretentious.
Wow. That little pity-party got really depressing really fast. Sorry, guys. Just a moment of weakness and doubt that will surely be soon replaced by wacky antics.